I am visionally challenged. With contact lenses or glasses, I can see perfectly. Take them away and we have problems. I’m not talking small problems like “Help, I can’t see the chalkboard from the back row”, these are more along the lines of “Help, I can’t see how many fingers I’M holding up right in front of my face!”
Big Daddy gets a kick out of my poor vision. Let me set the scene for you. It’s night time, in our room. I’m ready for bed and tucked in already. (Hey, hey, hey. Get your mind out of the gutter. This isn’t that type of blog!) He’s standing next to the bed talking to me and he makes a joke. Except it’s the type of joke that I have to see his facial expression to make it funny. He gets done and pauses for me to laugh. I don’t. He’s confused. Suddenly, I catch on and say something like, “Honey, I’m sure whatever you just did is hilarious but if you want me to laugh, you need to come much closer and do it again.” This started early in our marriage and is now a joke that plays out often.
I’m seriously considering laser vision correction because I’d love to be able to just see the alarm clock when I wake up in the middle of the night. Instead, I wake up Big Daddy and have him tell me what time it is. Let’s consider it his punishment for the scenario mentioned above.
Tonight I was
insane brave and decided that I would shower without my contacts in. I’d already taken them out earlier because my eyes have been so dry lately and they were bothering me. There are some things that one just shouldn’t attempt when they can’t see. Included in that list of things is anything involving a razor. If you need me, I’ll be the woman with little bits of toilet paper stuck all over one leg and three very distinct rows of unshaven stubble on the other. Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.