Kat asked me yesterday how we’re doing with Big Daddy being gone and I realized I haven’t said much about it really since he left. You know, except that post that I spit out in the midst of my sadness. We are two weeks in now and it is proving to drag by. Everyone said that the first two weeks would be the hardest and I’m counting on them to be right. The first weekend, I kept us so busy that I barely had time to think. I thought the people who said the first two weeks would be hard were wimps. Then, the first days of school came for both kids and I was S.A.D. Then, I got all spun up to host a little shindig here (read: obligatory military wife Pampered Chef party) and was so busy planning and getting the house ready for that that I didn’t have time for sadness.
Then, it was all over and the house was clean and quiet. Then, I had a rock hit the windshield of the car while I was driving with the kids and in addition to scaring us all to death, cracked the windshield in a mighty way. That was all yesterday. Once the kids went down for nap, I pretty much hit rock bottom. I was praying with all my might, telling God that I just don’t think I can do this without Big Daddy. I miss him so much that my insides ache when I think of him. We haven’t been able to talk as much as I thought we would and email “conversations” can be tricky with the time difference. I know, it could be worse. His deployment could be longer. He could be in a much more dangerous place. None of that makes me feel better in the moments that I just want to hold him.
I did get to talk to him yesterday afternoon and today is a new day. (A new day in which I cut the grass ALL.BY.MYSELF!!) So, to make a long story even longer, I’m Ok. I think, maybe, we’ll get to the point where I don’t cry when the kids are asleep and the house gets quiet…maybe. Truth be told, I’ve only had a couple of really hard days and yesterday was one of them. Thank you for asking, Kat….I hope I didn’t make you wish you hadn’t. 🙂 I promise to all of my readers that I won’t be whiny through this whole deployment. This is it. If everyone is right, two weeks have passed and I should be home free. Smooth sailing and happy posts from here on out. Ok, I can’t promise that but I can promise not to whine all the time!